P is for Gross

It would seem an inordinately large number of words that evoke disquieting, distasteful and even disgusting images begin with the letter P. Consider the following:

To those who knew him, Pete was a parasite, a loser and, outwardly at least, a bit of a poof; to the authorities, who perhaps knew him best of all, a pervert and a pedophile. Hideously attired on this day in plaid pants and paisley tie, Pete decided whilst “shopping” at the local mall to visit the restroom for a quick pee. Standing at the urinal he discovered that, having relaxed his sphincter, a poop was likely in the offing. He chose the nearest stall, pulled down his golf slacks and plopped down upon the seat. As he waited for the evacuatory event, he noticed a series of small papules leading up his left thigh. He visually followed their trail, which led to a rather large, festering pustule, out from which sprung a thick, curled hair.  He grabbed the hair between thumb and forefinger and gave a quick tug; a stream of yellow-green pus shot out and peppered the stall door. A complete pansy, Pete became immediately and overwhelmingly nautious and promptly puked all over the floor. He choked on the acidic remnants of breakfast, which caused him to cough up a huge gob of phlegm; he spat it out onto the throw-up laden tiles.

Pete stood, pulled and buckled, kicked open the stall door and went to the sinks. While he stared into the mirrors at his pockmarked and pimpled face, Pete ran his right pinky finger under the faucet, used it to massage the polyps in both nostrils, then turned and walked out the door.

See? P is for gross.

About Thestrugglershandbook

I'm a middle aged (if I live to be 100) guy, married, father of three, from Tucson, AZ. I'll write about almost anything. Though somewhat bent, what I write is always true(ish). It won't change your life, however. Unless that would preclude you from reading...
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18 Responses to P is for Gross

  1. Hey, leave the plaid and paisley’s out of this! What’d they ever do to you anyway?? 🙂

    • They showed up on the pants of several golfers who came into my field of vision. These two fall into the disquieting category for me. Still, to each his own; there has to be a pustule lover out there somewhere.

  2. Arizona girl says:

    Wow – there really are a lot of perniciously pestilent things that start with p!

  3. Chris Macy says:

    Eeeeeeeew, GROSS! If you want to start a diet, read this blog. If you want to keep on the diet, print it out and tape it to your fridge and read everyday!

  4. Diane says:

    And P is for Peddy…you are truly gross!

  5. oakritchie says:

    Impressive. I had a physical response to this post. Well played, good sir!

  6. And to think, I just made my lunch, and coincidentally I heated up a bowl of pea soup (not lying here). In a peculiar way we were writing to the same subject.

  7. Why do I have a nagging feeling you’re not fond of pea soup? Fritos, Really? Well, they would be good with most anything. Once in my impetuous youth after several glasses of wine a friend and I ate a whole bag dipped in strawberry yogurt. Go figure.

    • It’s not that I don’t like it so much; it just needs some enhancement to make it pop. I should try the wine the next time there’s broccoli served at my house. I think I would need a lot.

      • I have to disguise the broccoli at our house in a nest of cheese, otherwise it just sits on the plate and stares back at us. Cheese the ultimate healer.

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