I mentioned in my last post, How I Became #15 on the “Save in Case of Fire” List – Part III, that my alter ego, Not This Time Man, was standing strong in his refusal to allow cats eight and nine to take up permanent residence in my already feline-infested home. Even the best of men, exuding only the finest personal qualities and showering benevolence beyond that which most guys are capable, has a breaking point when unfair demands are forced upon him. I submit to you, since most of you don’t know me, that I am such a man, and when forced to confront injustice, I call upon the colors of Not This Time Man and wrong is quickly made right.
Granted, these cats were owned by someone else, who merely had asked that my wife take care of them while he dealt with some personal issues and found another place to live. Clearly, he loved them, had every intention of reclaiming them, and only death or institutionalized infirmity would prevent him from doing so. And, true to his word, he was recently able (though it took longer than the month I was told he would need) to move back into a place and then quickly called my wife to reclaim the beasts.
Admittedly, then, given this seemingly compelling pile of evidence, you might feel secure in saying that my calling upon the considerable influences of Not This Time Man may have been premature. Well, to you I would respond, in most manly, emphatic and fist-pounding fashion by yelling, “Nuh-Uh, stupid idiot head!” Yes, NTT Man comes when I call, but as a true superhero, he often senses danger before I do and comes (and goes) as he pleases. (Not a superhero in the conventional sense, when real physical danger exists, he usually dons the Cloak of Invisibility). Who am I to deny him a victory, whether richly earned, ill-begotten or simply cheap and easy? Victories are elusive, as NTT Man is painfully aware; he, in true American fashion, takes them in whatever form they come, molds them to his purpose and exploits them to further his fame.
All hail Not This Time Man!